August 8th

3:13 AM

How important is a father figure in a persons life? I personally didn’t grow up with a father figure so to say. I mean for the last 12 years i’ve lived with my mothers “boyfriend” (I am putting it in quotes because, well, I don’t know what else to call him. He isn’t her husband so I guess he is her boyfriend i’ll go into this later) I can’t recall the last time I saw my father in person, but I do know it was around twelve years or more. This year I tried to contact him, I wrote him a letter inviting him to my high school graduation. I was so excited because a little part of me thought he was actually going to come, and I was finally going to see him again. But obviously he didn’t come, he didn’t even write back to tell me he wasn’t going to come. That’s what hurt me most was the fact that he didn’t he have the decency to write back or even send my mom a text to say that he wasn’t coming. 

For awhile after I didn’t even think about it, I honestly thought that I didn’t care. But I was sitting in my room one night it was like four in the morning, and I just had so many thoughts rush threw my head. I was so confused on why I didn’t have a Father in my life. I wrote him another letter that night. It was an angry letter. I can’t send it to him yet though. He is in the army (that’s how he met my mom) so he travels a lot so it’s hard to catch him in one spot for long. What really sucks about not knowing him is the fact that I don’t know if I act or look like him. I honestly can’t even tell you all of the nationalities because I don’t know anything about him besides the fact that he’s german. 

As much as I want to be happy for what I have now. I will always think about what my life would have been like if he 

were in it?

"Father of mine, tell me where have you been?"

Father of mine

-Everclear