August 7th, 2010 (deux)

1:12 AM

I don’t understand the concept of love? What is it? Is there a part of our brain that is reserved for it? For instance if I see the person that I “love” will my nervous system trigger something in my brain and i’ll just know. Or do you have to work towards love through trial and error? I mean i’ve been in a few meaningless relationships, one that just ended very recently because of me. I ended it because I wasn’t happy. And if you’re in a relationship with someone and you’re not happy, what’s the point? I can honestly say that I have never had a successful relationship, not that I am complaining or anything, for I am only eighteen and I don’t really have that much dating experience. But my last boyfriend told me he loved me. I didn’t say it back, all I said to him was: “I can’t say the same back because I don’t know what love is”. He was very taken aback, but I was being completely honest. And I wouldn’t want to lie to anyone about something like love, because I feel like that word is overused as is. I don’t believe that i’ve ever met anyone that is truly in love, so to say. I’ve known couples who say they are in love then breakup as soon as the words are exchanged.

I guess I just never grew up in a loving environment, my mother and father were never married and I haven't seen my father since I was five years old. My mom has never been married and she never plans on getting married. She tells me all the time that: “a piece of paper doesn’t prove your love for someone.” So I guess that’s just the mindset that I grew up around. Not that it bothers me, it just kind of leads me to believe that i’ll always think of it that way and I won’t get married either. Or maybe I am just over-thinking everything?